I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
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It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
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Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
My vagina is very pro this idea
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