You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize