if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
Randomize