her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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