Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
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