I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
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There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
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Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
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