Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
Its about making memories worth repressing
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Randomize