omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
dude. I can hear the air.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
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