i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's a Shit stain on my heart
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
I have tasted many bathrooms
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
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