dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
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