There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
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