i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize