i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Randomize