was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
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