I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
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Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
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It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
i think i just lost a toe
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
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