If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
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