First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
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