so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
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I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
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No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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