Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
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