just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
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