I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
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