he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
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