There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
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The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
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I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
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