barbara walters just said penis...
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
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