Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
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I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
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