Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
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