1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
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