i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
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