My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
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I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
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