Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
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Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
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Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
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