i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
Randomize