I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
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