What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
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It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
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Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
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