I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
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I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
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My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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