I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
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