when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
Randomize