now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
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