So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
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It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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