Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Randomize