im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
Randomize