Where you are. You must stay where you are are
Where you are. You must stay where you are arewhere are youu
Where you are. You must stay where you 5eare wher are you!!
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
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how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
We left an ass print on the piano.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
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