So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
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