So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
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