hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
her vagine was all disorganized.
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
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Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
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