wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
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