I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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