i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
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Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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