If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
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That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
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