So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
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Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
You have to summon your inner elephant
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
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Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
I look excited, but its just a facade.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
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