Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
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